Make Up Your Mind
by ButterfliesForHer
Summary: Song Fic. Sara's sick of Catherine's games..CSR [Slash & Angst] Don't like it, don't read it.


**Disclaimer: **Sadly I do not own either the characters or the song. (Call Me When You're Sober – Evanescence)  
**POV: **Sara's  
**Rating: **T (For a couple of bad words)  
**Pairing: **Catherine/Sara  
**A/N: **I had a bit of writers block, so I wrote this to try and get past it.

* * *

**Make Up Your Mind **

**Don't cry to me  
If you loved me  
You would be here with me  
You want me  
Come find me  
Make up your mind  
**  
Make up your mind Catherine. One minute, you're mocking me, telling me that was just about sex, nothing more, that I'm delusional, and that it's over, then the next thing I know, I've opened my apartment door and you're standing there, that predatory look in your eyes, telling me you want me. And I believed you, time and time again, until the last time, when I shut the door in your face. But five minutes later, you knocked again, and I let you in.

**Should I let you fall?  
Lose it all?  
So maybe you can remember yourself  
Can't keep believing  
We're only deceiving ourselves  
And I'm sick of the lie  
And you're too late**

I know you're heading for a fall. Overdoing the drinking, the partying. What happened to you? What happened to the loving mother, the dedicated CSI? You turn up to work late, hung over and stinking of alcohol, but no one bats an eyelid. Maybe it's just me that notices, or maybe they just don't want to see it. I don't want to notice, or care, but I can't help it. Maybe I should just ignore you and leave you to it. Maybe once you hit rock bottom, you'll figure out who you are again.

**Don't cry to me  
If you loved me  
You would be here with me  
You want me  
Come find me  
Make up your mind  
**  
I don't know why I bother with you. You just use me and abuse my emotions. You remember the time you turned up at my apartment drunk and in tears because some guy had come on too strong? I held you, comforting you, until you fell asleep. When I woke up the next day, you were gone. You used me again.

**Couldn't take the blame  
Sick with shame  
Must be exhausting to lose your own game  
Selfishly hated  
No wonder you're jaded  
You can't play the victim this time  
And you're too late **

But now you sit here, and tell me you love me. That you're just going through a rough time, and it isn't really your fault.Yeah, of course not.  
How did this start again? Oh yeah, you knocked on my door, did the whole 'I want you routine', but as you pinned me against the wall, you began to cry. Your conscience finally caught up with you. You not only abused my emotions, you abused yours too. But I have no sympathy for you this time. I've given my heart to you time and time again, only for you to stamp on it. I've allowed you to feed me bullshit time and time again, I've let you manipulate me time and time again, but now I've finally had enough.

**So don't cry to me  
If you loved me  
You would be here with me  
You want me  
Come find me  
Make up your mind  
**  
I can't wait around anymore. I can't delude myself anymore. You don't love me, and I know it. I have to let go

**You never call me when you're sober  
You only want it cause it's over  
It's over  
**  
The only time you seek me out is when you're feeling hurt, angry, confused or upset. Basically when you feel fucked up about something, mostly a case at work. You seek me out and use my body to take your pain away. I'm just as much at fault as you are though, because I allowed you to do it. But not anymore.

**How could I have burned paradise?  
How could I - you were never mine **

At work, I'd watch you flirt with various different men, and I'd get jealous. The stupid thing is that I had no right to be jealous as you were never mine.

**So don't cry to me  
If you loved me  
You would be here with me  
Don't lie to me  
Just get your things  
I've made up your mind **

I love you, that hasn't changed, but I can't let you do this anymore, for yours and my sake. You have to learn that turning to sex and alcohol for release isn't going to help. At first, I thought allowing you to use me would help you, but now I know it had the opposite effect. You loved the power you had over me, how easily I'd bend to your will, and it just made you more twisted. Your eyes fill with tears as I tell you to leave, and I'm tempted for a moment, just one moment, to hold you and let you stay. But then I shake that thought from my mind. Come to me when you've sorted yourself out, then maybe I'll take you back. But until that moment in time comes, just stay away from me. You can't manipulate me any more. I've made up my mind Catherine, now it's time for you to make up yours.

* * *

Feedback anyone? 


End file.
